I have problems with writing, as do, I am sure most people whose main creative public output is a poorly updated/thought through blog. I am attempting to counter this by turning my focus on to “proper” writing more uniformily, a task which is challenged by not knowing why, specifically, I bother writing.
A great deal of the disappointment I have felt in my life over the last however many years is a result of my not bothering, and at least as a start (if only it were start, and not just another halting step resetting my progress to zero) one could suggest it is the pleasure of writing that ought to keep me going.
The pleasure of writing
I assume the pleasure of writing, “proper” writing of fiction and poetry, in my case, is similar to the pleasure afforded by anything which is one’s particular talent/passion.
I find writing to be like day dreaming with effort, with intent. Daydreaming, which I do not allow myself to enjoy anything like as much as when I was a child, I think because I have things to do, people to entertain, is the time for the brain to relax and make connections, but when one is writing, when one is consciously daydreaming, you get the joy of feeling your brain work. Yesterday, I very specificaly felt the neurons fire burn a new little pathway before my conscious gave me a vision of that tunnel of energy, and I decided that this character would end up killing everybody.
But the difference of feeling I am most conscious of following writing is the post-writing, which always makes me feel a bit stoned. I feel a bit zany and can’t quite focus and am more willing to listen to silence, for those who don’t know what I mean.
I always look forward to finishing writng just so i can carry on for a bit with this sort of feeling. In fact, it’s reminiscentof the effect I used to achieve at times before smoking. I often used to smoke to help me write, although at times when I was building up to it, grinding, rolling, choosing music, a spot etc., my nervousness and excitement might rise and i’d feel myself searching for a pen and writing. Of course the nature of drug taking is that it is pleasurable and I dont suppose I ever actually did, though i’m sure I thought I should, put my spliff down and simply do the writing.
It’s a nice idea that you can get yourself into a similar pleasurable mental state without doing anything illegal. Although the on-going difficulty of that is that it takes effort to write, to think yourself into a state, smoking a spliff takes like 3 minutes and lasts a few hours…
Ah well, that wasn’t a very exciting post and about a week late from my writing, and ive done basically no writing in the interim, task for today: do some!!!